


Outnumbered

by TheTimelessChild0



Series: Ship vs Bottle [2]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Desperation, Embarrassment, Peeing Into Things That Are Not a Toilet, Urination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:54:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23581933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTimelessChild0/pseuds/TheTimelessChild0
Summary: Rose didn't snitch on the Doctor to the TARDIS. Luckily, she didn't need to. Also, the Doctor learns animals aren't the only things thatbite..
Series: Ship vs Bottle [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1697404
Kudos: 3





	Outnumbered

The Doctor kept his ears perked for eventual wild animals. Not that he really needed to. Per his research, the planet they were on, should have no real fauna at this time. It was just a precaution. 

However, he soon felt it necessary to tune out some of the noises. Particularly the sound of a small creek somewhere to the left, behind the shrubbery. It reminded him of a precaution he  _ should’ve  _ taken...

He’d sworn to Rose that he didn’t have to go.  _ So much for that.. _

As always, lying to a companion bites him in the bladder. 

The Doctor started walking a bit faster, hoping that it would bring him closer to the TARDIS and away from the running water. It had the added benefit of soothing his muscles a bit. 

At first, Rose had no problem keeping up. She figured the Doctor had seen enough nearly identical shrubs for one afternoon. But he didn’t slow down once. He couldn’t. Every tree seemed to mock him. 

This was the one place he’d easily go, with nothing more than a quick hand gesture to Rose delaying him..and now,  _ here _ , he couldn’t. 

* * *

Rose decided to speak up, since the Doctor clearly wasn’t. 

“D’you mind slowing down a bit?” she asked politely, stopping him in his tracks.

The Doctor nodded, and put his hands in his pockets, resisting the urge to squeeze himself in his very tight suit.

“Are you alright?” Rose then asked, observing him.

“ ‘Course, why wouldn’t I be?” the Doctor assured her, raising an eyebrow curiously. 

“You look...I dunno..anxious,” she noted. His arms were tense.

“I’m not..I’m..concerned,” he admitted.

“Alright, what are you concerned about, then?” Rose asked, kindly. 

“I think I should’ve taken your advice,” the Doctor explained, sighing in frustration. 

“What advice?” she asked curiously.

“When you said I should..” he hesitated, then gestured with his hand. “You know..before we left,” the Doctor blushed, waiting for a reaction.

It dawned on Rose why the Doctor had his hands in his pockets this whole time. She chuckled. 

“Oh! Well lucky you, you’re surrounded by toilets. Over there or over there..” Rose pointed at random foliage on both sides of the path.

“No.” he interrupted her, firmly. 

“What do you mean, no? I’ll turn around, it’s no problem,” she assured him.

“Yes, there is,” the Doctor held up a hand, imploring her to listen. “This isn’t just any forest. Some of the plants excrete a poison gas, harmful to both of us. If I pee, it activates," he stated, bluntly. "I don’t which is which; as you’ve seen, they’re very similar,”  


“And there’s really no way for you to check the species, count the leaves or something?” Rose suggested. 

“Not without the TARDIS,” the Doctor sighed, bending his knees. 

Rose shrugged, taking out a bottle and opening it, about to empty it. 

“Wait! Don’t. _Any_ fluid could activate it. There could be toxic spores hidden in the soil,” the Doctor grabbed her hand, grabbing himself with his other hand.

She nodded, chugging the water instead. Then she shook the last few drops out onto the ground. 

“Careful,” the Doctor warned. He was still holding himself, too needy to care about his audience.

Rose frowned in pity at her friend. The Doctor was crossing and uncrossing his legs. 

She handed him the bottle. “I’ll give you some privacy,” she remarked, giving him a thumbs up in encouragement, walking away with her back turned. 

The Doctor wasted no time. Putting the bottle under his right arm, he rapidly unzipped himself facing the trees as if he was peeing on _them_. 

He put the bottle cap in the right chest pocket of his suit, and arranged himself close to the bottle. Once he’d aimed he  _ released _ , much louder than the creek. It gushed, trickled and poured heavily into the bottle.

Fortunately, it once again didn’t overfill.

The Doctor sighed contently, as he closed the bottle and put it in one of his bigger-on-the-inside coat pockets. He closed himself back up as well, whistling for Rose, who had been patiently waiting for him. 

“All good?” she smiled at him. 

“Better than good..bloody brilliant,” the Doctor smiled humorously at himself. He was too comfortable to be embarrassed.

*****************

The Doctor walked up to the console, looking underneath it rather than starting the engines right away. 

“What are you looking for?” Rose asked curiously. 

“There used to be a rubbish hatch somewhere on this thing,” he explained frowning in confusion. “Nevermind, I can just dump this in the toilet,” 

He walked off, leaving Rose in the console room. 

She smirked, looking at the ceiling. “You removed the hatch deliberately, didn’t you?” Rose remarked. The TARDIS made a pulsing noise in confirmation.  _ Obviously _ , the ship said. 

“Good call,” the girl agreed.

*************

The Doctor had only begun to pour out the urine in the bottle, when the TARDIS spoke to him. 

_ That’s right. That’s where you pee. You’ve got more than enough time to avoid needing to use  _ **_anything_ ** _ else,  _ the ship scolded him, pointedly. 

“I know. I’m trying,” the Doctor defended himself, replying telepathically.

_ Not hard enough.  _

“I thought I could hold it,” he whined, washing his hands and rinsing the bottle.

_ No. You thought you didn’t have to go. When will you learn not to depend on your own sense of time? _

The Doctor filled the bottle back up with clean water. 

“I’ll listen to Rose from now on,” he sighed in resignation. 

_ You better. Or else... _

“Or else what?” the Doctor stared at the ceiling, nervously.

The TARDIS went completely silent. The Doctor rolled his eyes and went back to Rose. 

“I refilled your water bottle for you,” the Doctor stated, reaching inside his coat while starting the take-off. 

“No that’s alright,” Rose dismissed him with a wave of her hand. 

“I washed it twice. Look,” he showed her the bottle, not a speck of blue in it. 

“Well, you can’t wash away my memories of what used to be in there. You have it,” she insisted, smiling and laughing. 

He nodded, putting it back in his coat. “If nothing else, it’ll inspire you to go before you leave, _finally_ ,” Rose quipped, looking pointedly at the Doctor.

The Doctor smiled awkwardly, nodding in agreement. 

The TARDIS made a small melody, almost ringing. 

“Is she..smiling?” Rose asked, surprised. 

“Of course, she likes you remember,” the Doctor noted, stroking the console which for once did nothing.

The TARDIS hummed once more, softer this time. 

“I think she’s trying to hug me,” Rose remarked. “It feels sorta warm,”

“Warm? You’re not ill are you?” the Doctor hurried to her side, feeling her forehead. “Not that kind of heat. Like the feeling of love,” she giggled, rolling her eyes. 

“Oh. You’re really getting along then,” the Doctor smiled proudly. 

“I think she agreed with me, before,” Rose commented. 

“Of course she did," he scoffed, folding his arms and looking to the side exasperatedly. 

“What you mean, of course?” she asked, raising a dubious eyebrow.

“Nothing. Doesn’t matter,” the Doctor added quickly, stopping the conversation by fiddling with something.

_ You’re the one who will be ill,  _ The TARDIS huffed. 

“What? What does that mean?” the Doctor frowned deeply, barking at his ship. 

“What’d she say now?” Rose smirked, knowingly. 

“She says I’m gonna be ill. How, I have no idea,” the Doctor shook his head, dismissively.

Rose laughed to herself, looking down as she understood.

“Hmm?” he looked at Rose with interest.

“She’s right, you know. You  _ will _ be ill if you keep that up,” she explained vaguely. 

The Doctor remained clueless. 

“You know,” Rose mimicked the gesture he’d made earlier in the forest.

The Doctor was no longer clueless, and furthermore, completely red-faced in embarrassment. 

“Alright, 2 against one, blimey... I. Get. It. Now. Can. We. Shut. It. PLEASE?!” he whined at both of them. 

The TARDIS flickered, and Rose nodded. The Doctor sighed, sitting down and stretching. A new conversation topic arrived soon after.

The End.


End file.
